Finding your true passion can be compared to surfing on a turbulent sea. There are excellent surfers everywhere, who never fail to amaze people with their braveness and talent to not get swept under. Amongst this population, there are two types of people. The first type of person has natural talents that allow them to excel at it; instead of finding their passion, their passion finds them.The second type of person is the opposite. They are not excellent surfers at first, and it may seem pointless to them. However, after falling and getting back up time and time again, these surfers gain control over their passion and gain dominance over the waters. 

I am aligned with the second group of people. At first, I felt like I didn’t have talent in any specific area of study, and I didn’t know  what I wanted to do. I spent most of my life drowning beneath the crashing waves, slowly falling down to the deep depths, without really trying to get up. The question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” never felt like something to worry over. I would drift from one interest to another, going wherever the currents took me. I guess it was my lack of motivation, or my sense that I still had lots of time to decide what I wanted to do. Near the beginning of my freshman year of highschool, I came to a rude awakening. My parents sat me down at the dinner table, and asked a familiar question, “What do you want to major in?” At first, the question seemed like the same old question they had always asked, but then it came to me: they were no longer asking about my future, but instead about my present. Now that I was grown up and no longer a child, it was time for me to actually put thought into the question that I had never given the time of day before. 

This was perhaps the first time I had ever tried to challenge the raging waves. The night my parents asked me the question, they told me to think about it carefully, which I did. I listed a bunch of my interests and figured out which career aligned with them. I ended up finding marine biology. At the time, I was especially fascinated with the sea and frequently went fishing on weekends with my dad. Because of this, it was only natural that marine biology became my top choice. I would surf the waves with marine biology as my “board” for a while, doing volunteering at aquariums, researching marine life as well as learning more about the career itself. As my research continued, I discovered that marine biologists spend a hefty chunk of time underwater to study sea life. Always being in the ocean didn't really appeal to me, and it didn’t help that I was also becoming more and more afraid of the sea, reading books about missing people and shipwrecks, etc. My surfboard that had been sailing on the waves smoothly before, was becoming turbulent and unreliable. Ignoring my fears, I decided to actually go scuba diving the summer of my freshman year in Hawaii. I initially challenged this experience hoping to overcome my fears, to convince myself that the ocean was safe and couldn’t harm me. My diving group took a boat out into the sea, where we ended up near a coral reef. The instructor prepared my gear, and along with the others, I went under. Within the colorful corals what I saw could only be described as life itself. I saw predators hunt, schools of fish swimming about, and even a few sea turtles. There are always videos of scuba diving online, but actually going in person is a whole other story. However, this point would be where all of the good aspects of the experience ceases. There are many currents near the Hawaiian coast, some of them leading deep out into the Pacific. If the instructor had warned me about this, then I probably did not hear it. When I was swimming back to the boat, it felt like I wasn’t getting closer. It took me a bit longer to realize that I was moving in the complete opposite direction. If it wasn’t for a rope being tossed for me, I would have probably been swept out to sea. It didn't hit me then, but I had almost lost my life. Assuming my gear didn’t have tracking, the chances of someone finding me after being swept out to sea were excruciatingly low. Even though the view was stunning, it just wasn’t something to risk my life over. My board that was already turbulent and unreliable, had quite literally been consumed by the waves. 

As I mentioned earlier, finding one’s true passion involves a large amount of trial and error. No matter how much I failed, I believed that if I just kept going, I would be well on my path to find something eventually. I was determined to take to the waves once more. Since my first attempt had ended in failure, I needed to tread with more caution the second time around. I worked around the question of, “what was something I enjoyed, and doesn’t include life-threatening activity?” My answer for this question became inlaid within the world of computer science, which had been a long time hobby of mine, that I never really capitalized on. I had been playing games since I was a child, and had knowledge in coding and software development. Even though my portfolio is pretty mediocre and underwhelming, I did code a software for minecraft that helped improve graphics and performance for lower end operating systems. Even though everything seemed fine at first, my board never did float. The world of computer science is vast and super competitive. Students that get into top universities with computer science, which is what I was aiming for, make 6 figure salaries the instant they graduate. Even though this was one of the aspects of the career that attracted me, it also demonstrated the sheer competitiveness of the field. If I was to get into a top computer science program, I was going to have to be at the top of my class, which just wasn’t in the picture for me. The people that I was going to be competing against, as demonstrated by sources such as YouTube and Reddit, have all completed huge projects such as games and software that take hundreds of hours and tons of skill to complete, which was something that I definitely couldn’t have done. The final nail in the coffin was when my parents started talking to me about the field, which made me more aware about the issues of comp-sci. One of the main downsides of computer science is that the field doesn’t have any promise. Artificial intelligence has been improving as of late, seen in chat gpt and other AI. The latest iteration of ChatGPT was already starting to write simple code. For me and my parents, this meant that the field of computer science would soon become obsolete. Even if the field has lots of success now, it wouldn’t mean that say, fourty or fifty years from now, that it would still be successful. Basically, becoming a computer scientist to me, was akin to becoming a hostage held at gunpoint by the artificial intelligence industry. If at anypoint human coding becomes obsolete, the trigger will be pulled, and I’d lose my job. This marked the second time that I would fail in finding my passion, with the waters becoming only colder and colder. 

After it became clear to me that computer science wasn’t going to work out, I was honestly lost. I was sinking to the bottom of the sea with no means of floating back to the top. The waves crashed upon my head time and time again, leaving me with no chance to escape its grasp. I was well behind many of my other peers, who have all done great things with their passion, and I still hadn’t found mine yet. I didn’t really look for new things anymore, as I was scared at the thought of it not working and having to start all over again. With that, sophomore year came to an uneventful close. However, the waves soon began to move in my favor. After a bit of talking and friendly banter, a close friend of mine suggested that I try out for my high school mock trial team. I had never really thought about becoming a lawyer or doing anything law related before, so I walked into the audition room, not knowing the series of events that ensued would change my life. I auditioned for the position of trial attorney, and for the audition, the task was to give a 4-5 minute argumentative presentation on if videogames games were truly bad for you. I don’t know if it was because my arguments were super valid, or if my presentation was super enjoyable, but the fact that I ended up receiving the position of pre-trial attorney still shocks me. This position is one of the more prestigious ones in the mock trial hierarchy. The task is to try and win the defense/offense (defense for me) motion for the case, through presenting to an actual judge. At first, I wasn’t fully confident in my skills as an attorney, but all of the competitions that would ensue after hours of practice opened my eyes to a world that I never knew existed. I experienced the thrill of arguing against a judge, the hard work and support of other team members, and the glory that followed after victory. Practice and competitions began to become activities that I looked forward to and took pride in. I made new friends, new relationships, and lastly, new passions. People really dont talk about the relief that hits you once you’ve accomplished something big. I was finally up and surfing the waves again, and when I was finally able to look my parents in the eyes and tell them that I had found what I wanted to do, it felt as if all the weight that had been accumulating on me for the past few years suddenly ceased to exist. From then on, I was able to move on in life, and really pursue the things that I wanted to do. I found and joined law related clubs at my school, started volunteering at the LA court, and started trying to find internships. I was able to take my passion further than I had ever done before, and that is something that I’m very proud of myself for doing. I was unshackled, and was able to finally surf the seven seas freely, unbothered by doubt. 

Now that I think about it, my story may not be all that interesting or exhilarating (boring, even), but it certainly does have meaning. It is a tale of trial and error. Even though there were times where I felt like the things that I was doing had no meaning, I would continue to move forward in my endeavors. The key was that I never gave up. I never gave up trying to find my passion, I never gave up in trying to stay afloat on that turbulent sea. Many people fail at something horribly one or two times, and then give up completely. But there are also people that fail endless amounts of times, and through their hard work and persistence, are able to achieve the things that they aim for. I believe it is in one’s  best interest to keep going. Even when things seem pointless, it is always better to keep going rather than giving up on something that you’ve spent a long time working on.